Well, Baby Bear is officially here. He is eleven days old and it has taken me this long to find time to sit down at the computer. And to be honest, right now I am typing as quietly as possible because I am currently, as we speak, re-sleep-training Bo and doing the whole ignoring him while he rolls around in his crib and bangs on the railing thing. Also, Bear is in a rock-and-play thing beside me grumbling because he wants to eat AGAIN...it will be his third feeding in two hours. Not sure if we should have named him Bear, he takes his name very seriously and eats every evening like he is going into hibernation.
So, what has it been like getting used to have two babies at home? Well, put it this way, I've nursed Bear in the front seat of my car in three parking lots in the past seven days...that's how things are going. In the last few days I've started to feel more comfortable, but the first week was definitely overwhelming. I actually think the hardest part has been making sure that Little Bobby doesn't feel neglected. We have spent the entire summer attached at the hip and suddenly there is someone new in the picture. I am having a hard time emotionally dealing with the idea of him feeling left out or resentful, even though he seems fine. The only time I notice his behavior has changed is during bed time, he is extra clingy to me these past few nights, as if he knows that when I leave the room I'm going to be snuggling someone else. It kinda breaks my heart.
You know, when I was in high school, I used to make my boyfriend lunch and bring it in to school in a brown paper bag and stick it in his locker. When I moved in with Big Bo when I was 24 I offered to do his laundry. I actually wanted to fold and put away his clothes. Why? I couldn't figure it out back then, but now I get it. I think in some weird way I was trying to mother them. I think I've always wanted to be a mother---even when I didn't know it, I felt most comfortable in the "mother" role. Now that I have two beautiful babies of my own and I really am a mother, I can't think of a single other thing in the world that could be more fulfilling. Driving in the mini-van with a car full of family gives me the greatest sense of accomplishment I've ever felt. No, it isn't easy. Especially when it's bed time and both boys are screaming and both of them want their Mommy to themselves...it definitely isn't easy. But it is SO worth it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Fake or Friendly?
A recent comment from a friend has made me think about the concept of being "fake" when you are nice to someone who you don't particularly like. On one hand there are the people who swear that they are "real" and will tell you exactly how they feel about you; if they would say it behind your back you can be sure as shampoo that they would say it to your face. Then there are the people who put on a smile and nod in agreement with everything you are saying even when the whole time they are thinking "OMG, I can't wait to tell so-and-so every stupid thing this girl is saying to me."
It occurred to me that I'm not sure which side of the fence I land on here. Hopefully you'll hear me out and understand why I'm not sure which I think is a better way to be.
While no one appreciates someone who is two faced or fake, I tend to feel as if my concern with those admonishable qualities disintegrated with high school. When someone is young and trying to find a place in their own little world they make mistakes, they open their big mouths, maybe they like one person one day and are rubbed the wrong way by them the next. Those things happen because they are still kids and they are just trying to figure out who they are and whom they want to be surrounded by. But as you get older and your social circles become more separated and selective, these issues tend to fade away.
Personally, I try my best to only concern myself with people who I find uplifting, comforting, and positive. This, unfortunately, is not always the way things go. You can't refuse to socialize with certain people just because they aren't your BFF. When you're an adult and you have family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances that all operate in some fashion in your life, you aren't going to like all of them. You're downright going to be annoyed by some of them, disagree with them, and even go home to your husband or best friend or sister and ask them if they have a minute while you talk their ear off about whatever annoyance Debbie-Downer caused you to suffer through that day. Now, just because you chose to suffer through it and not confront Debbie D about how badly you wanted to tell her that her conversation is making your ears itch...does that make you fake? Or does it make you mature and amicable?
Maybe there is a fine line. I would never outwardly agree with someone in conversation who I actually disagree with. I think that type of people-pleasing borders on lying and I think I used to do that when I was younger and possibly insecure with my own opinions. However, I still don't think its necessarily my place to tell someone whether they are right or wrong or how to be. I like to let people be who they are, even when I think I know better--and sometimes I really think I know better--hey, I'm an Aries. But no one is put on this earth to judge someone else, and so even if in my head I'm thinking "OMG, this person is crazy," is it right for me to tell them that? What good would it do? Wouldn't it just cause hurt feelings and a future awkward relationship?
At the same time, I am thinking of a woman that I work with who is extremely candid and honest and often jokes about how she doesn't know how to shut her big mouth. I really like this woman. She is the kind of person who makes you feel like you know exactly where she stands which is refreshing because there is no confusion or wondering whether or not you said or did the right thing, etc. She is wise and offers really raw advice when you need it, even if it's not something you want to hear. So, what's the difference? Where is the distinction between my co worker's candid personality and someone who will "tell you exactly how they feel about you" or "tells it like it is"?
I try to have both of these qualities, in some way I suppose. When someone seems to want my advice or my opinion, I think I can offer it to them in a way that is gentle but honest. I don't beat around the bush or sugar coat and I definitely don't just say what they want to hear. And yet at the same time I'm able to socialize and amicably get along with people that I don't necessarily like all the time. And yes--I do go home and complain about these people to my husband. Poor Bobby. Does that make me fake or just friendly? Are they mutually exclusive? I guess I'm not totally sold on either end of the subject yet and still have questions, but my life is pretty drama free to this point and I have so many wonderful people to surround myself and my family with...so for now I must have done something right.
It occurred to me that I'm not sure which side of the fence I land on here. Hopefully you'll hear me out and understand why I'm not sure which I think is a better way to be.
While no one appreciates someone who is two faced or fake, I tend to feel as if my concern with those admonishable qualities disintegrated with high school. When someone is young and trying to find a place in their own little world they make mistakes, they open their big mouths, maybe they like one person one day and are rubbed the wrong way by them the next. Those things happen because they are still kids and they are just trying to figure out who they are and whom they want to be surrounded by. But as you get older and your social circles become more separated and selective, these issues tend to fade away.
Personally, I try my best to only concern myself with people who I find uplifting, comforting, and positive. This, unfortunately, is not always the way things go. You can't refuse to socialize with certain people just because they aren't your BFF. When you're an adult and you have family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances that all operate in some fashion in your life, you aren't going to like all of them. You're downright going to be annoyed by some of them, disagree with them, and even go home to your husband or best friend or sister and ask them if they have a minute while you talk their ear off about whatever annoyance Debbie-Downer caused you to suffer through that day. Now, just because you chose to suffer through it and not confront Debbie D about how badly you wanted to tell her that her conversation is making your ears itch...does that make you fake? Or does it make you mature and amicable?
Maybe there is a fine line. I would never outwardly agree with someone in conversation who I actually disagree with. I think that type of people-pleasing borders on lying and I think I used to do that when I was younger and possibly insecure with my own opinions. However, I still don't think its necessarily my place to tell someone whether they are right or wrong or how to be. I like to let people be who they are, even when I think I know better--and sometimes I really think I know better--hey, I'm an Aries. But no one is put on this earth to judge someone else, and so even if in my head I'm thinking "OMG, this person is crazy," is it right for me to tell them that? What good would it do? Wouldn't it just cause hurt feelings and a future awkward relationship?
At the same time, I am thinking of a woman that I work with who is extremely candid and honest and often jokes about how she doesn't know how to shut her big mouth. I really like this woman. She is the kind of person who makes you feel like you know exactly where she stands which is refreshing because there is no confusion or wondering whether or not you said or did the right thing, etc. She is wise and offers really raw advice when you need it, even if it's not something you want to hear. So, what's the difference? Where is the distinction between my co worker's candid personality and someone who will "tell you exactly how they feel about you" or "tells it like it is"?
I try to have both of these qualities, in some way I suppose. When someone seems to want my advice or my opinion, I think I can offer it to them in a way that is gentle but honest. I don't beat around the bush or sugar coat and I definitely don't just say what they want to hear. And yet at the same time I'm able to socialize and amicably get along with people that I don't necessarily like all the time. And yes--I do go home and complain about these people to my husband. Poor Bobby. Does that make me fake or just friendly? Are they mutually exclusive? I guess I'm not totally sold on either end of the subject yet and still have questions, but my life is pretty drama free to this point and I have so many wonderful people to surround myself and my family with...so for now I must have done something right.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
How Kristen Stewart Ruins Everything Good
I was mildly interested in the 50 Shades of Grey craze this past spring when everyone I knew was reading it, but I just never had the time to get it (er, download it onto my Nook because I wouldn't be caught with the real thing). Finally, when I realized that my August was going to be a lot of sitting around super pregnant and uncomfortable, I decided to just get it. I really wanted to know what all the fuss was about and I'd given up on my other difficult reading ventures because I was just too uncomfortable to focus on anything too deep.
For the first half of the book, I only kept reading because I was certain it had to get better. I was distracted by the poor writing, much the way I feel about Elin Hilderbrand and Nora Roberts books. I hate reading things that seem too phony just for the sake of cheap romance, it takes me right out of the moment. However, somewhere along the way, I got super addicted to this stupid book. Aside from SO many things that annoyed me, I kept coming back to find out what was happening with these stupid characters--much the way I felt about Twilight and the other three books in that series that I ran out to the store to purchase BEFORE I was even finished with the previous book.
I read Twilight before the movie came out. In fact, I think I was on Breaking Dawn by the time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson made their big Hollywood achievement. There are certain character flaws about Bella that slightly irritated me upon reading it the first time, and I truly HATE the way Stewart represented her. I was glad I had read the book before seeing the movie because when I had to reread Twilight for a class I was taking on YA Lit, all I could picture was Stewart's stupid face the whole time I read it. The fact that Bella is so clumsy and awkward and all anti-girly and doesn't-know-how-to-put-on-make-up and falls when she tries to kick a soccer ball and slips on the ice, etc, just didn't appeal to me. I understand that this character is supposed to be appealing to girls who never felt like they fit in--I GET IT, but plenty of people feel that way in high school without those totally cliche attributes. Stewart made that whole thing worse for me when she was all bumbling-idiot-biting-her-lip-can't-make-eye-contact-but-can-still-manage-to-snag-the-hottest-guy-in-the-school type of awkward.
Unfortunately, Christian and Ana in 50 Shades remind me so much of a slightly older Edward and Bella that I keep having to struggle to picture people in these roles OTHER than Pattinson and Stewart. Think about it--the way that Christian is so over protective of Ana, the way he wants her to eat, to sleep, to be safe, the way that he just happens to be an expert pianist and knows all these RANDOM operas and classical pieces that no one has ever heard of, how even though Ana has never had a boyfriend it seems like every guy she meets is trying to get with her.... the way that Ana bites her lip and can't make eye contact but is actually super well-read and has that obsession with Tess of the d'Ubervilles the same way that Bella has the obsession with Pride and Prejudice...there are so many parallels it was straight up ANNOYING and yet I read on.
I kept thinking that maybe E.L. James was super into Bella and Edward and decided to raise their ages (well, Bella's age...Edward was 107 I think....) a bit so she could let them get a little freaky.
I almost NEED to see a movie version of 50 Shades just so I can read the next one in the trilogy and be able to picture someone else---ANYONE ELSE--other than Kristen Stupid Stewart in the Red Room of Pain.
No true point here...I will admit I read the whole book in like three days. What can I say? It's a page turner.
For the first half of the book, I only kept reading because I was certain it had to get better. I was distracted by the poor writing, much the way I feel about Elin Hilderbrand and Nora Roberts books. I hate reading things that seem too phony just for the sake of cheap romance, it takes me right out of the moment. However, somewhere along the way, I got super addicted to this stupid book. Aside from SO many things that annoyed me, I kept coming back to find out what was happening with these stupid characters--much the way I felt about Twilight and the other three books in that series that I ran out to the store to purchase BEFORE I was even finished with the previous book.
I read Twilight before the movie came out. In fact, I think I was on Breaking Dawn by the time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson made their big Hollywood achievement. There are certain character flaws about Bella that slightly irritated me upon reading it the first time, and I truly HATE the way Stewart represented her. I was glad I had read the book before seeing the movie because when I had to reread Twilight for a class I was taking on YA Lit, all I could picture was Stewart's stupid face the whole time I read it. The fact that Bella is so clumsy and awkward and all anti-girly and doesn't-know-how-to-put-on-make-up and falls when she tries to kick a soccer ball and slips on the ice, etc, just didn't appeal to me. I understand that this character is supposed to be appealing to girls who never felt like they fit in--I GET IT, but plenty of people feel that way in high school without those totally cliche attributes. Stewart made that whole thing worse for me when she was all bumbling-idiot-biting-her-lip-can't-make-eye-contact-but-can-still-manage-to-snag-the-hottest-guy-in-the-school type of awkward.
Unfortunately, Christian and Ana in 50 Shades remind me so much of a slightly older Edward and Bella that I keep having to struggle to picture people in these roles OTHER than Pattinson and Stewart. Think about it--the way that Christian is so over protective of Ana, the way he wants her to eat, to sleep, to be safe, the way that he just happens to be an expert pianist and knows all these RANDOM operas and classical pieces that no one has ever heard of, how even though Ana has never had a boyfriend it seems like every guy she meets is trying to get with her.... the way that Ana bites her lip and can't make eye contact but is actually super well-read and has that obsession with Tess of the d'Ubervilles the same way that Bella has the obsession with Pride and Prejudice...there are so many parallels it was straight up ANNOYING and yet I read on.
I kept thinking that maybe E.L. James was super into Bella and Edward and decided to raise their ages (well, Bella's age...Edward was 107 I think....) a bit so she could let them get a little freaky.
I almost NEED to see a movie version of 50 Shades just so I can read the next one in the trilogy and be able to picture someone else---ANYONE ELSE--other than Kristen Stupid Stewart in the Red Room of Pain.
No true point here...I will admit I read the whole book in like three days. What can I say? It's a page turner.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
generation gaps...just google it!
My big question for the week...With all we know today and all we have access to knowing--why do we have any problems at all? Or is all of our information only serving to cause more problems?
Hubby and I were talking about which generation we are a part of the other day and I was asking him if he knew where the cut off was and what the names of the generations before Gen X and Gen Y were. All we could come up with was the "Baby Boomers" but we figured there had to be more than that. Also, I really thought I was part of Generation X because I remembered being in high school and everyone talking about how that was our new label--Generation X--and the whole new millennium hoopla thing happening (I graduated in 2000).
As it turns out, I was wrong by some websites. Some websites say Generation Y starts with those born in the mid 80s, some say it starts with 1980 claiming that Generation X ends with people born in 1979. Supposedly Generation Y-ers are characterized by their tech-savvy abilities and also the desire to have a better balance between work and personal life compared with generations before us.
This new generation, the AO'ers (AO=Always On) doesn't know life without technology and while they are so super tech savvy they have little ability for deep thoughts and long attention spans. So, basically, everyone ages 30 and under has had an advantage that not a lot of others can claim--we have access to the Internet which holds unlimited information. We literally can find answers to nearly anything we want to know.
If you have an ailment you can find out what it might be without having to call your doctor--and then you can research all the different ways to cure that ailment whether it be medicinal or homeopathic. You can find out if child molesters live in your neighborhood. Are you feeling depressed? Overweight? Anxious? There are millions of others just like you who have success stories logged into the world wide web so that you can try their methods of personal improvement to see if it could work for you, too. So, my question still stands...why do people still suffer from so many personal obstacles? Isn't everything you could ever want right within your reach? If you have money issues, aren't there websites that can help teach you how to budget? Aren't there apps that help you compare prices and get the best deals?
Now, obviously the Internet doesn't cure everything, so if you've lost a loved one or just found out you have cancer, my deepest sympathies, of course. This blog is not by any means trying to say that every pain in life is unworthy of attention. I'm talking about those little personality quirks that are keeping you back from being as happy or successful in life as you want to be. I'm starting to lean towards this attitude that if you are always feeling let down or dissatisfied or you aren't getting what you want out of life there is no one else to blame anymore. It really is simple...just google it!
Hubby and I were talking about which generation we are a part of the other day and I was asking him if he knew where the cut off was and what the names of the generations before Gen X and Gen Y were. All we could come up with was the "Baby Boomers" but we figured there had to be more than that. Also, I really thought I was part of Generation X because I remembered being in high school and everyone talking about how that was our new label--Generation X--and the whole new millennium hoopla thing happening (I graduated in 2000).
As it turns out, I was wrong by some websites. Some websites say Generation Y starts with those born in the mid 80s, some say it starts with 1980 claiming that Generation X ends with people born in 1979. Supposedly Generation Y-ers are characterized by their tech-savvy abilities and also the desire to have a better balance between work and personal life compared with generations before us.
This new generation, the AO'ers (AO=Always On) doesn't know life without technology and while they are so super tech savvy they have little ability for deep thoughts and long attention spans. So, basically, everyone ages 30 and under has had an advantage that not a lot of others can claim--we have access to the Internet which holds unlimited information. We literally can find answers to nearly anything we want to know.
If you have an ailment you can find out what it might be without having to call your doctor--and then you can research all the different ways to cure that ailment whether it be medicinal or homeopathic. You can find out if child molesters live in your neighborhood. Are you feeling depressed? Overweight? Anxious? There are millions of others just like you who have success stories logged into the world wide web so that you can try their methods of personal improvement to see if it could work for you, too. So, my question still stands...why do people still suffer from so many personal obstacles? Isn't everything you could ever want right within your reach? If you have money issues, aren't there websites that can help teach you how to budget? Aren't there apps that help you compare prices and get the best deals?
Now, obviously the Internet doesn't cure everything, so if you've lost a loved one or just found out you have cancer, my deepest sympathies, of course. This blog is not by any means trying to say that every pain in life is unworthy of attention. I'm talking about those little personality quirks that are keeping you back from being as happy or successful in life as you want to be. I'm starting to lean towards this attitude that if you are always feeling let down or dissatisfied or you aren't getting what you want out of life there is no one else to blame anymore. It really is simple...just google it!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Whats the Deal With Primary Colors and Weeks of Pre Labor?
I guess I just didn't realize it was possible to be so dilated and so effaced and still not be in active labor. My actual due date is still a few weeks away, so I am not complaining (per se) but I definitely thought baby Bear would be here by now. When you expect your water to break every time you stand up and still nothing happens, it becomes exhausting. Every minute that goes by that I DON'T go into labor is a surprise and it is tiring being surprised all day long. :)
I think I just need to change my frame of mind. My doctor kinda had me thinking it could be any minute now, or at least any day, but that was two weeks ago... I have to start thinking, this baby isn't coming until September. Then, if he does come early I will be surprised, like I was with Bo, instead of expecting it.
Today I picked out fabric for curtains for the new bedroom. Deciding on anything for this new bedroom has been an absolute challenge. This is the bedroom in which my boys are going to grow up, have pillow fights, tell ghost stories to each other, argue over action figures, etc. Because I fancy myself un poquito artsy, I never like to pick anything too ordinary or predictable when decorating. I can't get enough of fabrics and cool wall art and all the possibilities of designing a brand new room from scratch....but honestly, there really isn't a ton of accessible cool stuff out there for boy's bedrooms. I'm so tired of the color schemes that babies r us has available, and so much of the stuff you find online is like super "Theme-y" but if you go too far out of the box then it's hard to find consistency. I also want my kids to have a true childhood bedroom, nothing too mature or muted, but so much of the stuff seems super baby-ish or is in God-awful primary colors.
We did, however, find a fabric that has a cream color as the base but has turquoise and orange cars and trucks all over it (Bo is obsessed with cars right now) and then there are word splashes all over it, like ZOOM and BEEP... it's not totally what I was imagining but at the same time, it has an old comic-booky feeling to it and we were thinking of having some custom wall art done by a friend of Bobby's who is into typography and illustrations of these cool little monsters which we could totally make fit into this color scheme.... maybe I will try to link up to his page here to give him props. I should post pics of the room progress in my next blog! Still trying to figure out the INS and OUTS of blogger. :)
Adieu, Adieu, To you and you and you....
Friday, August 17, 2012
This ain't no YOLO blog
I have a series of related ideas that are coming together disjointedly like raindrops on a window pane. I am almost tempted to stop, make a paragraph organizer similar to something I give to my students, and then try to continue with this blog. I think instead I will try the stream of consciousness approach that usually leaves me feeling a few burdens lighter, if nothing else.
When I was a kid and I wanted to be a writer (some dreams never die) my mother used to tell me to write about what I knew. It was the thing she always came back to when I complained that I couldn't finish something: "Write what you know." The problem was, I didn't know anything. I knew about my neighborhood and my family and my third grade buddies, but that wasn't the stuff that I wanted to create novels about. So I wrote hundreds of fanastical Chapter Ones before realizing I had no idea where to go with a plot line and characters I couldn't empathize with.
Many years later, when I was in my twenties, my mother said to me, exasperated I'm sure: "You always have to learn things the hard way." I can remember at first feeling defensive at this statement but I soon realized she was right. I had been headstrong and independent my whole life and when I reflected on the many tumults life had handed me, I had definitely brought a lot of them on myself, choosing always to venture into situations that I could have been protected from had I heeded the advice of others. Like a typical young adult, I never thought anyone really knew what I was going through or what was best for me. Now that I'm a parent, I can't imagine what I put my poor mom and dad through. Disclaimer: sorry Mom and Dad. :)
I guess there were times when I regretted decisions I made and experiences I've had. The thought has crossed my mind that if I had just listened to my father I wouldn't have had to suffer through that last hardship, etc. But most of the time, when I look at where I am now, I'm not mad about my mistakes. I think my mother was right when she said that I always have to learn things the hard way--but I don't think that I am wrong for being that way either. I came to the realization that maybe there were lessons I needed to learn on my own so that I can better empathize with the rest of humanity. What kind of a writer would I be if I hadn't struck out on my own and had a little bit of pain, fear, or heart break thrust upon me?
Where is my point? I'm not trying to wax poetic about the cliche "You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy." motto that so many people cling to before they've even realized what kinds of trouble they could be getting their "young and crazy" asses into... and I'm definitely not selling some line of YOLO (translation: You Only Live Once) crap. What I'm saying is, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to live my life the way that is true to who I am. Sometimes people seem to have opinions about how I should do things and how I should live, which is so weird because I could mostly care less about what other people choose to do with their life, as long as it is what makes them happy and of course that they are not hurting themselves or others. I think maybe I just view life differently than people assume I do...I don't accept norms and rules on life that so many people attach themselves to---more so than even just the whole gay marriage issue---I truly don't think there is a right or a wrong way to live your life as long as you are living in peace. I am not bothered by tattoos or homosexuals or transgender people or hipsters or fat people or anyone else. I encourage people to be daring and different and shed the shackles of sameness and blah, I think it makes them more beautiful. I don't welcome restrictions on happiness in general. I wonder why then, do people feel the need to restrict me? And why do I sometimes let them?
"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you just like everyone else."
When I was a kid and I wanted to be a writer (some dreams never die) my mother used to tell me to write about what I knew. It was the thing she always came back to when I complained that I couldn't finish something: "Write what you know." The problem was, I didn't know anything. I knew about my neighborhood and my family and my third grade buddies, but that wasn't the stuff that I wanted to create novels about. So I wrote hundreds of fanastical Chapter Ones before realizing I had no idea where to go with a plot line and characters I couldn't empathize with.
Many years later, when I was in my twenties, my mother said to me, exasperated I'm sure: "You always have to learn things the hard way." I can remember at first feeling defensive at this statement but I soon realized she was right. I had been headstrong and independent my whole life and when I reflected on the many tumults life had handed me, I had definitely brought a lot of them on myself, choosing always to venture into situations that I could have been protected from had I heeded the advice of others. Like a typical young adult, I never thought anyone really knew what I was going through or what was best for me. Now that I'm a parent, I can't imagine what I put my poor mom and dad through. Disclaimer: sorry Mom and Dad. :)
I guess there were times when I regretted decisions I made and experiences I've had. The thought has crossed my mind that if I had just listened to my father I wouldn't have had to suffer through that last hardship, etc. But most of the time, when I look at where I am now, I'm not mad about my mistakes. I think my mother was right when she said that I always have to learn things the hard way--but I don't think that I am wrong for being that way either. I came to the realization that maybe there were lessons I needed to learn on my own so that I can better empathize with the rest of humanity. What kind of a writer would I be if I hadn't struck out on my own and had a little bit of pain, fear, or heart break thrust upon me?
Where is my point? I'm not trying to wax poetic about the cliche "You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy." motto that so many people cling to before they've even realized what kinds of trouble they could be getting their "young and crazy" asses into... and I'm definitely not selling some line of YOLO (translation: You Only Live Once) crap. What I'm saying is, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to live my life the way that is true to who I am. Sometimes people seem to have opinions about how I should do things and how I should live, which is so weird because I could mostly care less about what other people choose to do with their life, as long as it is what makes them happy and of course that they are not hurting themselves or others. I think maybe I just view life differently than people assume I do...I don't accept norms and rules on life that so many people attach themselves to---more so than even just the whole gay marriage issue---I truly don't think there is a right or a wrong way to live your life as long as you are living in peace. I am not bothered by tattoos or homosexuals or transgender people or hipsters or fat people or anyone else. I encourage people to be daring and different and shed the shackles of sameness and blah, I think it makes them more beautiful. I don't welcome restrictions on happiness in general. I wonder why then, do people feel the need to restrict me? And why do I sometimes let them?
"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you just like everyone else."
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Dreaming
I had a dream last night that I had the baby and that no one let me hold it for like four days. I say "it" because in my dream the baby was a girl, but I am having a boy. I was upset because by the time I got to hold her it was too late to try nursing and I hadn't even named her yet. Early in my pregnancy I had a dream in which I gave birth (again to a girl) and carried the baby round in my pocketbook as if she were a new lipgloss. I was horrified when I woke up.
Pregnancy dreams are so weird and telling. Not that I'm going to carry him around in my purse, but there has been this constant worry that I won't be able to give my new baby all the attention I was able to give my first son.
On a side note, my son has learned how to turn on the stereo in the living room. Ironically he only knows how to turn the volume up, not down. :) that will be a handy trick once his brother finally makes his long awaited appearance. We have learned to leave the record player cued up to something we feel like listening to. Right now I have James Taylor blasting while he watches Martha Speaks... Eventually I will get up and turn one of them off.
Time to go play.
Pregnancy dreams are so weird and telling. Not that I'm going to carry him around in my purse, but there has been this constant worry that I won't be able to give my new baby all the attention I was able to give my first son.
On a side note, my son has learned how to turn on the stereo in the living room. Ironically he only knows how to turn the volume up, not down. :) that will be a handy trick once his brother finally makes his long awaited appearance. We have learned to leave the record player cued up to something we feel like listening to. Right now I have James Taylor blasting while he watches Martha Speaks... Eventually I will get up and turn one of them off.
Time to go play.
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