Fake or Friendly?

A recent comment from a friend has made me think about the concept of being "fake" when you are nice to someone who you don't particularly like. On one hand there are the people who swear that they are "real" and will tell you exactly how they feel about you; if they would say it behind your back you can be sure as shampoo that they would say it to your face. Then there are the people who put on a smile and nod in agreement with everything you are saying even when the whole time they are thinking "OMG, I can't wait to tell so-and-so every stupid thing this girl is saying to me."

It occurred to me that I'm not sure which side of the fence I land on here. Hopefully you'll hear me out and understand why I'm not sure which I think is a better way to be.

While no one appreciates someone who is two faced or fake, I tend to feel as if my concern with those admonishable qualities disintegrated with high school.  When someone is young and trying to find a place in their own little world they make mistakes, they open their big mouths, maybe they like one person one day and are rubbed the wrong way by them the next. Those things happen because they are still kids and they are just trying to figure out who they are and whom they want to be surrounded by.  But as you get older and your social circles become more separated and selective, these issues tend to fade away.

Personally, I try my best to only concern myself with people who I find uplifting, comforting, and positive.  This, unfortunately, is not always the way things go. You can't refuse to socialize with certain people just because they aren't your BFF.  When you're an adult and you have family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances that all operate in some fashion in your life, you aren't going to like all of them. You're downright going to be annoyed by some of them, disagree with them, and even go home to your husband or best friend or sister and ask them if they have a minute while you talk their ear off about whatever annoyance Debbie-Downer caused you to suffer through that day.  Now, just because you chose to suffer through it and not confront Debbie D about how badly you wanted to tell her that her conversation is making your ears itch...does that make you fake? Or does it make you mature and amicable?

Maybe there is a fine line.  I would never outwardly agree with someone in conversation who I actually disagree with.  I think that type of people-pleasing borders on lying and I think I used to do that when I was younger and possibly insecure with my own opinions.  However, I still don't think its necessarily my place to tell someone whether they are right or wrong or how to be.  I like to let people be who they are, even when I think I know better--and sometimes I really think I know better--hey, I'm an Aries. But no one is put on this earth to judge someone else, and so even if in my head I'm thinking "OMG, this person is crazy," is it right for me to tell them that? What good would it do? Wouldn't it just cause hurt feelings and a future awkward relationship?

At the same time, I am thinking of a woman that I work with who is extremely candid and honest and often jokes about how she doesn't know how to shut her big mouth.  I really like this woman.  She is the kind of person who makes you feel like you know exactly where she stands which is refreshing because there is no confusion or wondering whether or not you said or did the right thing, etc. She is wise and offers really raw advice when you need it, even if it's not something you want to hear.  So, what's the difference? Where is the distinction between my co worker's candid personality and someone who will "tell you exactly how they feel about you" or "tells it like it is"?

I try to have both of these qualities, in some way I suppose.  When someone seems to want my advice or my opinion, I think I can offer it to them in a way that is gentle but honest. I don't beat around the bush or sugar coat and I definitely don't just say what they want to hear.   And yet at the same time I'm able to socialize and amicably get along with people that I don't necessarily like all the time. And yes--I do go home and complain about these people to my husband.  Poor Bobby. Does that make me fake or just friendly? Are they mutually exclusive? I guess I'm not totally sold on either end of the subject yet and still have questions, but my life is pretty drama free to this point and I have so many wonderful people to surround myself and my family with...so for now I must have done something right.