He's Here

Well, Baby Bear is officially here. He is eleven days old and it has taken me this long to find time to sit down at the computer. And to be honest, right now I am typing as quietly as possible because I am currently, as we speak, re-sleep-training Bo and doing the whole ignoring him while he rolls around in his crib and bangs on the railing thing. Also, Bear is in a rock-and-play thing beside me grumbling because he wants to eat AGAIN...it will be his third feeding in two hours. Not sure if we should have named him Bear, he takes his name very seriously and eats every evening like he is going into hibernation.

So, what has it been like getting used to have two babies at home? Well, put it this way, I've nursed Bear in the front seat of my car in three parking lots in the past seven days...that's how things are going. In the last few days I've started to feel more comfortable, but the first week was definitely overwhelming. I actually think the hardest part has been making sure that Little Bobby doesn't feel neglected. We have spent the entire summer attached at the hip and suddenly there is someone new in the picture. I am having a hard time emotionally dealing with the idea of him feeling left out or resentful, even though he seems fine. The only time I notice his behavior has changed is during bed time, he is extra clingy to me these past few nights, as if he knows that when I leave the room I'm going to be snuggling someone else. It kinda breaks my heart.

You know, when I was in high school, I used to make my boyfriend lunch and bring it in to school in a brown paper bag and stick it in his locker. When I moved in with Big Bo when I was 24 I offered to do his laundry. I actually wanted to fold and put away his clothes. Why? I couldn't figure it out back then, but now I get it. I think in some weird way I was trying to mother them. I think I've always wanted to be a mother---even when I didn't know it, I felt most comfortable in the "mother" role. Now that I have two beautiful babies of my own and I really am a mother, I can't think of a single other thing in the world that could be more fulfilling. Driving in the mini-van with a car full of family gives me the greatest sense of accomplishment I've ever felt. No, it isn't easy. Especially when it's bed time and both boys are screaming and both of them want their Mommy to themselves...it definitely isn't easy. But it is SO worth it.