A recent comment from a friend has made me think about the concept of being "fake" when you are nice to someone who you don't particularly like. On one hand there are the people who swear that they are "real" and will tell you exactly how they feel about you; if they would say it behind your back you can be sure as shampoo that they would say it to your face. Then there are the people who put on a smile and nod in agreement with everything you are saying even when the whole time they are thinking "OMG, I can't wait to tell so-and-so every stupid thing this girl is saying to me."
It occurred to me that I'm not sure which side of the fence I land on here. Hopefully you'll hear me out and understand why I'm not sure which I think is a better way to be.
While no one appreciates someone who is two faced or fake, I tend to feel as if my concern with those admonishable qualities disintegrated with high school. When someone is young and trying to find a place in their own little world they make mistakes, they open their big mouths, maybe they like one person one day and are rubbed the wrong way by them the next. Those things happen because they are still kids and they are just trying to figure out who they are and whom they want to be surrounded by. But as you get older and your social circles become more separated and selective, these issues tend to fade away.
Personally, I try my best to only concern myself with people who I find uplifting, comforting, and positive. This, unfortunately, is not always the way things go. You can't refuse to socialize with certain people just because they aren't your BFF. When you're an adult and you have family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances that all operate in some fashion in your life, you aren't going to like all of them. You're downright going to be annoyed by some of them, disagree with them, and even go home to your husband or best friend or sister and ask them if they have a minute while you talk their ear off about whatever annoyance Debbie-Downer caused you to suffer through that day. Now, just because you chose to suffer through it and not confront Debbie D about how badly you wanted to tell her that her conversation is making your ears itch...does that make you fake? Or does it make you mature and amicable?
Maybe there is a fine line. I would never outwardly agree with someone in conversation who I actually disagree with. I think that type of people-pleasing borders on lying and I think I used to do that when I was younger and possibly insecure with my own opinions. However, I still don't think its necessarily my place to tell someone whether they are right or wrong or how to be. I like to let people be who they are, even when I think I know better--and sometimes I really think I know better--hey, I'm an Aries. But no one is put on this earth to judge someone else, and so even if in my head I'm thinking "OMG, this person is crazy," is it right for me to tell them that? What good would it do? Wouldn't it just cause hurt feelings and a future awkward relationship?
At the same time, I am thinking of a woman that I work with who is extremely candid and honest and often jokes about how she doesn't know how to shut her big mouth. I really like this woman. She is the kind of person who makes you feel like you know exactly where she stands which is refreshing because there is no confusion or wondering whether or not you said or did the right thing, etc. She is wise and offers really raw advice when you need it, even if it's not something you want to hear. So, what's the difference? Where is the distinction between my co worker's candid personality and someone who will "tell you exactly how they feel about you" or "tells it like it is"?
I try to have both of these qualities, in some way I suppose. When someone seems to want my advice or my opinion, I think I can offer it to them in a way that is gentle but honest. I don't beat around the bush or sugar coat and I definitely don't just say what they want to hear. And yet at the same time I'm able to socialize and amicably get along with people that I don't necessarily like all the time. And yes--I do go home and complain about these people to my husband. Poor Bobby. Does that make me fake or just friendly? Are they mutually exclusive? I guess I'm not totally sold on either end of the subject yet and still have questions, but my life is pretty drama free to this point and I have so many wonderful people to surround myself and my family with...so for now I must have done something right.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
How Kristen Stewart Ruins Everything Good
I was mildly interested in the 50 Shades of Grey craze this past spring when everyone I knew was reading it, but I just never had the time to get it (er, download it onto my Nook because I wouldn't be caught with the real thing). Finally, when I realized that my August was going to be a lot of sitting around super pregnant and uncomfortable, I decided to just get it. I really wanted to know what all the fuss was about and I'd given up on my other difficult reading ventures because I was just too uncomfortable to focus on anything too deep.
For the first half of the book, I only kept reading because I was certain it had to get better. I was distracted by the poor writing, much the way I feel about Elin Hilderbrand and Nora Roberts books. I hate reading things that seem too phony just for the sake of cheap romance, it takes me right out of the moment. However, somewhere along the way, I got super addicted to this stupid book. Aside from SO many things that annoyed me, I kept coming back to find out what was happening with these stupid characters--much the way I felt about Twilight and the other three books in that series that I ran out to the store to purchase BEFORE I was even finished with the previous book.
I read Twilight before the movie came out. In fact, I think I was on Breaking Dawn by the time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson made their big Hollywood achievement. There are certain character flaws about Bella that slightly irritated me upon reading it the first time, and I truly HATE the way Stewart represented her. I was glad I had read the book before seeing the movie because when I had to reread Twilight for a class I was taking on YA Lit, all I could picture was Stewart's stupid face the whole time I read it. The fact that Bella is so clumsy and awkward and all anti-girly and doesn't-know-how-to-put-on-make-up and falls when she tries to kick a soccer ball and slips on the ice, etc, just didn't appeal to me. I understand that this character is supposed to be appealing to girls who never felt like they fit in--I GET IT, but plenty of people feel that way in high school without those totally cliche attributes. Stewart made that whole thing worse for me when she was all bumbling-idiot-biting-her-lip-can't-make-eye-contact-but-can-still-manage-to-snag-the-hottest-guy-in-the-school type of awkward.
Unfortunately, Christian and Ana in 50 Shades remind me so much of a slightly older Edward and Bella that I keep having to struggle to picture people in these roles OTHER than Pattinson and Stewart. Think about it--the way that Christian is so over protective of Ana, the way he wants her to eat, to sleep, to be safe, the way that he just happens to be an expert pianist and knows all these RANDOM operas and classical pieces that no one has ever heard of, how even though Ana has never had a boyfriend it seems like every guy she meets is trying to get with her.... the way that Ana bites her lip and can't make eye contact but is actually super well-read and has that obsession with Tess of the d'Ubervilles the same way that Bella has the obsession with Pride and Prejudice...there are so many parallels it was straight up ANNOYING and yet I read on.
I kept thinking that maybe E.L. James was super into Bella and Edward and decided to raise their ages (well, Bella's age...Edward was 107 I think....) a bit so she could let them get a little freaky.
I almost NEED to see a movie version of 50 Shades just so I can read the next one in the trilogy and be able to picture someone else---ANYONE ELSE--other than Kristen Stupid Stewart in the Red Room of Pain.
No true point here...I will admit I read the whole book in like three days. What can I say? It's a page turner.
For the first half of the book, I only kept reading because I was certain it had to get better. I was distracted by the poor writing, much the way I feel about Elin Hilderbrand and Nora Roberts books. I hate reading things that seem too phony just for the sake of cheap romance, it takes me right out of the moment. However, somewhere along the way, I got super addicted to this stupid book. Aside from SO many things that annoyed me, I kept coming back to find out what was happening with these stupid characters--much the way I felt about Twilight and the other three books in that series that I ran out to the store to purchase BEFORE I was even finished with the previous book.
I read Twilight before the movie came out. In fact, I think I was on Breaking Dawn by the time Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson made their big Hollywood achievement. There are certain character flaws about Bella that slightly irritated me upon reading it the first time, and I truly HATE the way Stewart represented her. I was glad I had read the book before seeing the movie because when I had to reread Twilight for a class I was taking on YA Lit, all I could picture was Stewart's stupid face the whole time I read it. The fact that Bella is so clumsy and awkward and all anti-girly and doesn't-know-how-to-put-on-make-up and falls when she tries to kick a soccer ball and slips on the ice, etc, just didn't appeal to me. I understand that this character is supposed to be appealing to girls who never felt like they fit in--I GET IT, but plenty of people feel that way in high school without those totally cliche attributes. Stewart made that whole thing worse for me when she was all bumbling-idiot-biting-her-lip-can't-make-eye-contact-but-can-still-manage-to-snag-the-hottest-guy-in-the-school type of awkward.
Unfortunately, Christian and Ana in 50 Shades remind me so much of a slightly older Edward and Bella that I keep having to struggle to picture people in these roles OTHER than Pattinson and Stewart. Think about it--the way that Christian is so over protective of Ana, the way he wants her to eat, to sleep, to be safe, the way that he just happens to be an expert pianist and knows all these RANDOM operas and classical pieces that no one has ever heard of, how even though Ana has never had a boyfriend it seems like every guy she meets is trying to get with her.... the way that Ana bites her lip and can't make eye contact but is actually super well-read and has that obsession with Tess of the d'Ubervilles the same way that Bella has the obsession with Pride and Prejudice...there are so many parallels it was straight up ANNOYING and yet I read on.
I kept thinking that maybe E.L. James was super into Bella and Edward and decided to raise their ages (well, Bella's age...Edward was 107 I think....) a bit so she could let them get a little freaky.
I almost NEED to see a movie version of 50 Shades just so I can read the next one in the trilogy and be able to picture someone else---ANYONE ELSE--other than Kristen Stupid Stewart in the Red Room of Pain.
No true point here...I will admit I read the whole book in like three days. What can I say? It's a page turner.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
generation gaps...just google it!
My big question for the week...With all we know today and all we have access to knowing--why do we have any problems at all? Or is all of our information only serving to cause more problems?
Hubby and I were talking about which generation we are a part of the other day and I was asking him if he knew where the cut off was and what the names of the generations before Gen X and Gen Y were. All we could come up with was the "Baby Boomers" but we figured there had to be more than that. Also, I really thought I was part of Generation X because I remembered being in high school and everyone talking about how that was our new label--Generation X--and the whole new millennium hoopla thing happening (I graduated in 2000).
As it turns out, I was wrong by some websites. Some websites say Generation Y starts with those born in the mid 80s, some say it starts with 1980 claiming that Generation X ends with people born in 1979. Supposedly Generation Y-ers are characterized by their tech-savvy abilities and also the desire to have a better balance between work and personal life compared with generations before us.
This new generation, the AO'ers (AO=Always On) doesn't know life without technology and while they are so super tech savvy they have little ability for deep thoughts and long attention spans. So, basically, everyone ages 30 and under has had an advantage that not a lot of others can claim--we have access to the Internet which holds unlimited information. We literally can find answers to nearly anything we want to know.
If you have an ailment you can find out what it might be without having to call your doctor--and then you can research all the different ways to cure that ailment whether it be medicinal or homeopathic. You can find out if child molesters live in your neighborhood. Are you feeling depressed? Overweight? Anxious? There are millions of others just like you who have success stories logged into the world wide web so that you can try their methods of personal improvement to see if it could work for you, too. So, my question still stands...why do people still suffer from so many personal obstacles? Isn't everything you could ever want right within your reach? If you have money issues, aren't there websites that can help teach you how to budget? Aren't there apps that help you compare prices and get the best deals?
Now, obviously the Internet doesn't cure everything, so if you've lost a loved one or just found out you have cancer, my deepest sympathies, of course. This blog is not by any means trying to say that every pain in life is unworthy of attention. I'm talking about those little personality quirks that are keeping you back from being as happy or successful in life as you want to be. I'm starting to lean towards this attitude that if you are always feeling let down or dissatisfied or you aren't getting what you want out of life there is no one else to blame anymore. It really is simple...just google it!
Hubby and I were talking about which generation we are a part of the other day and I was asking him if he knew where the cut off was and what the names of the generations before Gen X and Gen Y were. All we could come up with was the "Baby Boomers" but we figured there had to be more than that. Also, I really thought I was part of Generation X because I remembered being in high school and everyone talking about how that was our new label--Generation X--and the whole new millennium hoopla thing happening (I graduated in 2000).
As it turns out, I was wrong by some websites. Some websites say Generation Y starts with those born in the mid 80s, some say it starts with 1980 claiming that Generation X ends with people born in 1979. Supposedly Generation Y-ers are characterized by their tech-savvy abilities and also the desire to have a better balance between work and personal life compared with generations before us.
This new generation, the AO'ers (AO=Always On) doesn't know life without technology and while they are so super tech savvy they have little ability for deep thoughts and long attention spans. So, basically, everyone ages 30 and under has had an advantage that not a lot of others can claim--we have access to the Internet which holds unlimited information. We literally can find answers to nearly anything we want to know.
If you have an ailment you can find out what it might be without having to call your doctor--and then you can research all the different ways to cure that ailment whether it be medicinal or homeopathic. You can find out if child molesters live in your neighborhood. Are you feeling depressed? Overweight? Anxious? There are millions of others just like you who have success stories logged into the world wide web so that you can try their methods of personal improvement to see if it could work for you, too. So, my question still stands...why do people still suffer from so many personal obstacles? Isn't everything you could ever want right within your reach? If you have money issues, aren't there websites that can help teach you how to budget? Aren't there apps that help you compare prices and get the best deals?
Now, obviously the Internet doesn't cure everything, so if you've lost a loved one or just found out you have cancer, my deepest sympathies, of course. This blog is not by any means trying to say that every pain in life is unworthy of attention. I'm talking about those little personality quirks that are keeping you back from being as happy or successful in life as you want to be. I'm starting to lean towards this attitude that if you are always feeling let down or dissatisfied or you aren't getting what you want out of life there is no one else to blame anymore. It really is simple...just google it!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Whats the Deal With Primary Colors and Weeks of Pre Labor?
I guess I just didn't realize it was possible to be so dilated and so effaced and still not be in active labor. My actual due date is still a few weeks away, so I am not complaining (per se) but I definitely thought baby Bear would be here by now. When you expect your water to break every time you stand up and still nothing happens, it becomes exhausting. Every minute that goes by that I DON'T go into labor is a surprise and it is tiring being surprised all day long. :)
I think I just need to change my frame of mind. My doctor kinda had me thinking it could be any minute now, or at least any day, but that was two weeks ago... I have to start thinking, this baby isn't coming until September. Then, if he does come early I will be surprised, like I was with Bo, instead of expecting it.
Today I picked out fabric for curtains for the new bedroom. Deciding on anything for this new bedroom has been an absolute challenge. This is the bedroom in which my boys are going to grow up, have pillow fights, tell ghost stories to each other, argue over action figures, etc. Because I fancy myself un poquito artsy, I never like to pick anything too ordinary or predictable when decorating. I can't get enough of fabrics and cool wall art and all the possibilities of designing a brand new room from scratch....but honestly, there really isn't a ton of accessible cool stuff out there for boy's bedrooms. I'm so tired of the color schemes that babies r us has available, and so much of the stuff you find online is like super "Theme-y" but if you go too far out of the box then it's hard to find consistency. I also want my kids to have a true childhood bedroom, nothing too mature or muted, but so much of the stuff seems super baby-ish or is in God-awful primary colors.
We did, however, find a fabric that has a cream color as the base but has turquoise and orange cars and trucks all over it (Bo is obsessed with cars right now) and then there are word splashes all over it, like ZOOM and BEEP... it's not totally what I was imagining but at the same time, it has an old comic-booky feeling to it and we were thinking of having some custom wall art done by a friend of Bobby's who is into typography and illustrations of these cool little monsters which we could totally make fit into this color scheme.... maybe I will try to link up to his page here to give him props. I should post pics of the room progress in my next blog! Still trying to figure out the INS and OUTS of blogger. :)
Adieu, Adieu, To you and you and you....
Friday, August 17, 2012
This ain't no YOLO blog
I have a series of related ideas that are coming together disjointedly like raindrops on a window pane. I am almost tempted to stop, make a paragraph organizer similar to something I give to my students, and then try to continue with this blog. I think instead I will try the stream of consciousness approach that usually leaves me feeling a few burdens lighter, if nothing else.
When I was a kid and I wanted to be a writer (some dreams never die) my mother used to tell me to write about what I knew. It was the thing she always came back to when I complained that I couldn't finish something: "Write what you know." The problem was, I didn't know anything. I knew about my neighborhood and my family and my third grade buddies, but that wasn't the stuff that I wanted to create novels about. So I wrote hundreds of fanastical Chapter Ones before realizing I had no idea where to go with a plot line and characters I couldn't empathize with.
Many years later, when I was in my twenties, my mother said to me, exasperated I'm sure: "You always have to learn things the hard way." I can remember at first feeling defensive at this statement but I soon realized she was right. I had been headstrong and independent my whole life and when I reflected on the many tumults life had handed me, I had definitely brought a lot of them on myself, choosing always to venture into situations that I could have been protected from had I heeded the advice of others. Like a typical young adult, I never thought anyone really knew what I was going through or what was best for me. Now that I'm a parent, I can't imagine what I put my poor mom and dad through. Disclaimer: sorry Mom and Dad. :)
I guess there were times when I regretted decisions I made and experiences I've had. The thought has crossed my mind that if I had just listened to my father I wouldn't have had to suffer through that last hardship, etc. But most of the time, when I look at where I am now, I'm not mad about my mistakes. I think my mother was right when she said that I always have to learn things the hard way--but I don't think that I am wrong for being that way either. I came to the realization that maybe there were lessons I needed to learn on my own so that I can better empathize with the rest of humanity. What kind of a writer would I be if I hadn't struck out on my own and had a little bit of pain, fear, or heart break thrust upon me?
Where is my point? I'm not trying to wax poetic about the cliche "You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy." motto that so many people cling to before they've even realized what kinds of trouble they could be getting their "young and crazy" asses into... and I'm definitely not selling some line of YOLO (translation: You Only Live Once) crap. What I'm saying is, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to live my life the way that is true to who I am. Sometimes people seem to have opinions about how I should do things and how I should live, which is so weird because I could mostly care less about what other people choose to do with their life, as long as it is what makes them happy and of course that they are not hurting themselves or others. I think maybe I just view life differently than people assume I do...I don't accept norms and rules on life that so many people attach themselves to---more so than even just the whole gay marriage issue---I truly don't think there is a right or a wrong way to live your life as long as you are living in peace. I am not bothered by tattoos or homosexuals or transgender people or hipsters or fat people or anyone else. I encourage people to be daring and different and shed the shackles of sameness and blah, I think it makes them more beautiful. I don't welcome restrictions on happiness in general. I wonder why then, do people feel the need to restrict me? And why do I sometimes let them?
"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you just like everyone else."
When I was a kid and I wanted to be a writer (some dreams never die) my mother used to tell me to write about what I knew. It was the thing she always came back to when I complained that I couldn't finish something: "Write what you know." The problem was, I didn't know anything. I knew about my neighborhood and my family and my third grade buddies, but that wasn't the stuff that I wanted to create novels about. So I wrote hundreds of fanastical Chapter Ones before realizing I had no idea where to go with a plot line and characters I couldn't empathize with.
Many years later, when I was in my twenties, my mother said to me, exasperated I'm sure: "You always have to learn things the hard way." I can remember at first feeling defensive at this statement but I soon realized she was right. I had been headstrong and independent my whole life and when I reflected on the many tumults life had handed me, I had definitely brought a lot of them on myself, choosing always to venture into situations that I could have been protected from had I heeded the advice of others. Like a typical young adult, I never thought anyone really knew what I was going through or what was best for me. Now that I'm a parent, I can't imagine what I put my poor mom and dad through. Disclaimer: sorry Mom and Dad. :)
I guess there were times when I regretted decisions I made and experiences I've had. The thought has crossed my mind that if I had just listened to my father I wouldn't have had to suffer through that last hardship, etc. But most of the time, when I look at where I am now, I'm not mad about my mistakes. I think my mother was right when she said that I always have to learn things the hard way--but I don't think that I am wrong for being that way either. I came to the realization that maybe there were lessons I needed to learn on my own so that I can better empathize with the rest of humanity. What kind of a writer would I be if I hadn't struck out on my own and had a little bit of pain, fear, or heart break thrust upon me?
Where is my point? I'm not trying to wax poetic about the cliche "You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy." motto that so many people cling to before they've even realized what kinds of trouble they could be getting their "young and crazy" asses into... and I'm definitely not selling some line of YOLO (translation: You Only Live Once) crap. What I'm saying is, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to live my life the way that is true to who I am. Sometimes people seem to have opinions about how I should do things and how I should live, which is so weird because I could mostly care less about what other people choose to do with their life, as long as it is what makes them happy and of course that they are not hurting themselves or others. I think maybe I just view life differently than people assume I do...I don't accept norms and rules on life that so many people attach themselves to---more so than even just the whole gay marriage issue---I truly don't think there is a right or a wrong way to live your life as long as you are living in peace. I am not bothered by tattoos or homosexuals or transgender people or hipsters or fat people or anyone else. I encourage people to be daring and different and shed the shackles of sameness and blah, I think it makes them more beautiful. I don't welcome restrictions on happiness in general. I wonder why then, do people feel the need to restrict me? And why do I sometimes let them?
"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you just like everyone else."
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Dreaming
I had a dream last night that I had the baby and that no one let me hold it for like four days. I say "it" because in my dream the baby was a girl, but I am having a boy. I was upset because by the time I got to hold her it was too late to try nursing and I hadn't even named her yet. Early in my pregnancy I had a dream in which I gave birth (again to a girl) and carried the baby round in my pocketbook as if she were a new lipgloss. I was horrified when I woke up.
Pregnancy dreams are so weird and telling. Not that I'm going to carry him around in my purse, but there has been this constant worry that I won't be able to give my new baby all the attention I was able to give my first son.
On a side note, my son has learned how to turn on the stereo in the living room. Ironically he only knows how to turn the volume up, not down. :) that will be a handy trick once his brother finally makes his long awaited appearance. We have learned to leave the record player cued up to something we feel like listening to. Right now I have James Taylor blasting while he watches Martha Speaks... Eventually I will get up and turn one of them off.
Time to go play.
Pregnancy dreams are so weird and telling. Not that I'm going to carry him around in my purse, but there has been this constant worry that I won't be able to give my new baby all the attention I was able to give my first son.
On a side note, my son has learned how to turn on the stereo in the living room. Ironically he only knows how to turn the volume up, not down. :) that will be a handy trick once his brother finally makes his long awaited appearance. We have learned to leave the record player cued up to something we feel like listening to. Right now I have James Taylor blasting while he watches Martha Speaks... Eventually I will get up and turn one of them off.
Time to go play.
Friday, August 10, 2012
To Each His Own
Well, I've been saying all along that this baby is huge and I'm going to have him early. So why should I have been so surprised when at my 35 week appointment my Dr told me that I'm two centimeters dilated and that my cervix is 80 percent effaced? For anyone who finds this jargon foreign language, it basically means I'm already in the stages of pre-labor and this baby could come at any time.
Literally...any minute.
Or it could be a few days.
Or weeks.
See that's the thing about pregnancy and birth and babies. They do what they want and every woman's body is different and each pregnancy is different, which is why mothers love to sit around and tell their labor stories over and over again even if you have heard from your friend a million times about how her 30 hours of labor which lead to a C-section was worse than anyone else's, you will absolutely hear it again as soon as anyone you know has a baby or even hints about becoming pregnant. Trust me, I'm not hating on birth stories. I love telling my own. It's probably the most exciting, terrifying and life changing thing that any woman will endure, so why not brag a little? I did just bring a human life into the world if I want to reminisce for a few minutes I will.
The thing with having my second baby is that for the past eight months I kind of assumed that the labor process would be similar to my first experience. I woke up one morning--my water literally exploded--and then contractions ensued. Everything was extremely by the book and I was lucky to have a fairly quick--but not totally painless--wonderful birthing experience. This time, I'm walking around for days with dull contractions that sometimes come consistently every two minutes and then taper off to twenty to thirty minutes between them. I know it is just the process of preparing my body for what is to come and that's cool. But I guess I'm a little anxious to know...if the beginning of labor is so different with my little #2...what is the rest of it going to be like?
More to come. Of course I will have to share my birth story on my blog...and then re-post it several times...in case anyone forgets what I've been through is so much worse than you. ;)
Literally...any minute.
Or it could be a few days.
Or weeks.
See that's the thing about pregnancy and birth and babies. They do what they want and every woman's body is different and each pregnancy is different, which is why mothers love to sit around and tell their labor stories over and over again even if you have heard from your friend a million times about how her 30 hours of labor which lead to a C-section was worse than anyone else's, you will absolutely hear it again as soon as anyone you know has a baby or even hints about becoming pregnant. Trust me, I'm not hating on birth stories. I love telling my own. It's probably the most exciting, terrifying and life changing thing that any woman will endure, so why not brag a little? I did just bring a human life into the world if I want to reminisce for a few minutes I will.
The thing with having my second baby is that for the past eight months I kind of assumed that the labor process would be similar to my first experience. I woke up one morning--my water literally exploded--and then contractions ensued. Everything was extremely by the book and I was lucky to have a fairly quick--but not totally painless--wonderful birthing experience. This time, I'm walking around for days with dull contractions that sometimes come consistently every two minutes and then taper off to twenty to thirty minutes between them. I know it is just the process of preparing my body for what is to come and that's cool. But I guess I'm a little anxious to know...if the beginning of labor is so different with my little #2...what is the rest of it going to be like?
More to come. Of course I will have to share my birth story on my blog...and then re-post it several times...in case anyone forgets what I've been through is so much worse than you. ;)
Monday, August 6, 2012
Why Worry?
There is so much to be done before Baby #2 gets here that most of the time I have to ignore the fact so that I don't get too overwhelmed. We are turning our attic space into a new bedroom for Lil Bo and then using his current bedroom as the nursery for Lil #2, which means that we have a long road behind us of cleaning out the attic space and still have a long road ahead of us which will consist of insulating and building real walls in there, not to mention painting and furnishing the room for Bo so that I can THEN get the nursery ready for Twosie.
Besides the huge daunting task of the bedrooms, there is normal new baby "stuff" that has to be handled and set up. From laundering the new clothes and setting up a baby swing to making sure I have the right sheets for the bassinet, it feels like I haven't done anything to prepare for my new little guy....where are my infant bottles with the slow flow nipples anyway? Did I pack them away into storage when we were cleaning out the attic? ugh.
On top of those concerns, I have been stressed out about the fact that I might have waited too long in general to wean Bo off of some "baby" habits as he has grown into a toddler. At 14 months he was still drinking milk from his bottle in my lap three times a day. I didn't even realize that around his first birthday is when a lot of moms chose to lose this ritual. I still rocked him to sleep for every nap and bedtime, and he still uses a binky. By one he was still in his infant carrier car seat. Because he is my first born I was slow and reluctant to change these "baby" habits, but along with my ever growing belly also grew my concern that I was soon going to be mother to not one but TWO babies and something would have to give. Bo's infantile habits also took up much of my time, since I was the one fostering the bottle feedings and long bedtime routines.
In July, with about two months left in my pregnancy, I decided to get serious. My "baby" was already 14 months old and he needed a serious lesson in maturation. We changed the bottle feedings into independent sippy cup sessions where he could play AND drink his milk like a big boy. I started a sleep training program that took almost a month but has been astronomically worth it since he can now put himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the night instead of crying for me to come in and rock him back to sleep at 1, 3, and 5 o'clock in the morning. He is fully walking and amazes me every day with how much he talks and understands. I can hold his hand instead of carrying him everywhere and he rides in the front seat of the shopping carriage instead of needing to be lugged in and then mounted on top of the wagon in his infant carrier. Success!
The only problem I could see was his bedtime and nap routine. The sleep training program recommends that you have a nice, soothing bedtime routine so that your child knows what to expect and can comfortably ease him or herself into sleep. For me and Bo, this routine is nearly an hour long. Many times while I read to him or sing him lullaby after lullaby and note that he is still not at the drowsy state recommended by my sleep-lady, I am in a constant panic. Imagine if #2 were here already and he needs to be nursed while Bo is supposed to be having his soothing bedtime routine? What if next month when Baby Boy is here he wakes up from a nap and needs me while I am locked in Bo's room trying to get through "Goodnight Moon" in record speed? Sometimes when Bo fights his naps I find myself in tears worried that I am spread too thin and that I'm never going to be able to handle a new baby! What was I thinking?
Then it hit me. I don't want to hurry up reading my nightly "Goodnight Moon" to Lil Bo, and I shouldn't have to. Both boys are my babies and always will be. I will always, for the rest of my life, be trying to figure out how to spread myself equally between these two angels. Just because a new baby is entering our lives, I don't have to hurry the other one up. Part of having a sibling is learning to take turns, not to lose out on something completely. I will still have a nice special bedtime routine with Bobby and when his brother cries that doesn't mean my first born gets pushed aside, it means I have to figure out a way to nurture both of them fairly. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet, because #2 hasn't made his earthly debut, but when the times comes, we will figure it out. With Big Daddy Conlon's help and some serious patience we are all going to get through it. It's just that maybe Lil Bo won't be getting rid of the binky as soon as we'd originally hoped. And that's going to have to be okay.
Besides the huge daunting task of the bedrooms, there is normal new baby "stuff" that has to be handled and set up. From laundering the new clothes and setting up a baby swing to making sure I have the right sheets for the bassinet, it feels like I haven't done anything to prepare for my new little guy....where are my infant bottles with the slow flow nipples anyway? Did I pack them away into storage when we were cleaning out the attic? ugh.
On top of those concerns, I have been stressed out about the fact that I might have waited too long in general to wean Bo off of some "baby" habits as he has grown into a toddler. At 14 months he was still drinking milk from his bottle in my lap three times a day. I didn't even realize that around his first birthday is when a lot of moms chose to lose this ritual. I still rocked him to sleep for every nap and bedtime, and he still uses a binky. By one he was still in his infant carrier car seat. Because he is my first born I was slow and reluctant to change these "baby" habits, but along with my ever growing belly also grew my concern that I was soon going to be mother to not one but TWO babies and something would have to give. Bo's infantile habits also took up much of my time, since I was the one fostering the bottle feedings and long bedtime routines.
In July, with about two months left in my pregnancy, I decided to get serious. My "baby" was already 14 months old and he needed a serious lesson in maturation. We changed the bottle feedings into independent sippy cup sessions where he could play AND drink his milk like a big boy. I started a sleep training program that took almost a month but has been astronomically worth it since he can now put himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the night instead of crying for me to come in and rock him back to sleep at 1, 3, and 5 o'clock in the morning. He is fully walking and amazes me every day with how much he talks and understands. I can hold his hand instead of carrying him everywhere and he rides in the front seat of the shopping carriage instead of needing to be lugged in and then mounted on top of the wagon in his infant carrier. Success!
The only problem I could see was his bedtime and nap routine. The sleep training program recommends that you have a nice, soothing bedtime routine so that your child knows what to expect and can comfortably ease him or herself into sleep. For me and Bo, this routine is nearly an hour long. Many times while I read to him or sing him lullaby after lullaby and note that he is still not at the drowsy state recommended by my sleep-lady, I am in a constant panic. Imagine if #2 were here already and he needs to be nursed while Bo is supposed to be having his soothing bedtime routine? What if next month when Baby Boy is here he wakes up from a nap and needs me while I am locked in Bo's room trying to get through "Goodnight Moon" in record speed? Sometimes when Bo fights his naps I find myself in tears worried that I am spread too thin and that I'm never going to be able to handle a new baby! What was I thinking?
Then it hit me. I don't want to hurry up reading my nightly "Goodnight Moon" to Lil Bo, and I shouldn't have to. Both boys are my babies and always will be. I will always, for the rest of my life, be trying to figure out how to spread myself equally between these two angels. Just because a new baby is entering our lives, I don't have to hurry the other one up. Part of having a sibling is learning to take turns, not to lose out on something completely. I will still have a nice special bedtime routine with Bobby and when his brother cries that doesn't mean my first born gets pushed aside, it means I have to figure out a way to nurture both of them fairly. I don't know how I'm going to do that yet, because #2 hasn't made his earthly debut, but when the times comes, we will figure it out. With Big Daddy Conlon's help and some serious patience we are all going to get through it. It's just that maybe Lil Bo won't be getting rid of the binky as soon as we'd originally hoped. And that's going to have to be okay.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Up hill....BOTH WAYS!
As a high school teacher I found myself thinking the whole "when I was a kid things were different..." phrase many years earlier than I am probably supposed to. I've only just turned thirty and I have friends that are still trendy and still listen to top 40 music so I shouldn't be so quick to put myself in such a distant category from my twelve-years-younger students. But really, if there ever was a decade that dramatically separates generations it has to be this last one. Maybe every old geezer thinks the same way and maybe this is a totally unoriginal feeling (which is fine because that means you can relate!) but I strongly feel that since we partied like it was 1999 and it became the 2000's (Husband Bobby calls this past decade the "ots") kids in high school have become exposed to a drastically different life style than we had in the 90s, 80s, 70s, and so on.
The introduction of cell phones to children has made this entire world a crazy place. I'm not being unnecessarily dramatic here. I got my first cell phone when I was eighteen years old and a freshman in college. It was the year 2000 and suddenly cell phones were more than just the chunky car phone that chilled in the center console of Dad's car that beeped now and then to remind us of it's existence. Friends were moving away to school, we all had jobs (mostly) and we were technically adults, so the acquisition of the cell phone made sense.
But this blog is not about justifying why kids today are different... it's about how the world...country...everything.... is going completely bonkers and I am sometimes struck by the seriousness of the situation that I wonder if I should move to Pennsylvania and become Amish.
Three nights ago Bo Hubs was suddenly interested in watching the news. I should mention that we never--NEVER--watch the news in this house unless it is sports or weather related and even then it's minimal. There was a few stories about local seriousness, a supposed shark attack, a severe thunderstorm watch, etc. Then there was the story that inspired this rant. "The Distracted Walker" story. First we see a black and white video clip from a security camera that has recorded a man walking in a Boston underground T-station while looking intently at his phone (maybe playing Song Pop, I don't know) as he drifts towards the empty railroad and >kaboom< falls off the edge and onto the tracks five or so feet below. The anchor then goes on to report how dangerous "distracted walking" is becoming to Boston's citizens. A guy on the street in the city then gets interviewed where he sheepishly admits that he, in fact, has walked distractedly before(!) and underneath his name is the subtitle: "distracted walker". Oh. The. Shame.
This is when I look at Bobby and ask if this is for real.
The very next news segment is a VERY important feature that discusses how to keep your technology safe at the beach. We all know that the hot sun and the cruel sand can make it extremely difficult to keep your children and cell phones safe, so I was so relieved to see that they gave a bulleted list of tips on how to keep my phone out of harms way. Bullet number one said that I should put my cell phone in a Ziploc baggie. No, no, let me back up a bit. I should actually recreate the bulleted list for you so you can experience the same relief I did.
I was just thinking...there is a pretty big election coming up in about three months...right? I mean, there are some pretty serious issues going on in the world...right? Like, oh I don't know, unemployment, famine, corrupt governments, lack of women's rights in like half the world... but we in Massachusetts need to focus on the important things---like cell phone condoms.
If for some reason I suddenly go missing check the Bible Belt. I'll be riding in the back of a horse drawn carriage, sewing patches on my own dress and shunning the creation of cell phones.
PROOF:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505263_162-57483199/distracted-walking-injuries-quadruple-in-last-seven-years/
The introduction of cell phones to children has made this entire world a crazy place. I'm not being unnecessarily dramatic here. I got my first cell phone when I was eighteen years old and a freshman in college. It was the year 2000 and suddenly cell phones were more than just the chunky car phone that chilled in the center console of Dad's car that beeped now and then to remind us of it's existence. Friends were moving away to school, we all had jobs (mostly) and we were technically adults, so the acquisition of the cell phone made sense.
But this blog is not about justifying why kids today are different... it's about how the world...country...everything.... is going completely bonkers and I am sometimes struck by the seriousness of the situation that I wonder if I should move to Pennsylvania and become Amish.
Three nights ago Bo Hubs was suddenly interested in watching the news. I should mention that we never--NEVER--watch the news in this house unless it is sports or weather related and even then it's minimal. There was a few stories about local seriousness, a supposed shark attack, a severe thunderstorm watch, etc. Then there was the story that inspired this rant. "The Distracted Walker" story. First we see a black and white video clip from a security camera that has recorded a man walking in a Boston underground T-station while looking intently at his phone (maybe playing Song Pop, I don't know) as he drifts towards the empty railroad and >kaboom< falls off the edge and onto the tracks five or so feet below. The anchor then goes on to report how dangerous "distracted walking" is becoming to Boston's citizens. A guy on the street in the city then gets interviewed where he sheepishly admits that he, in fact, has walked distractedly before(!) and underneath his name is the subtitle: "distracted walker". Oh. The. Shame.
This is when I look at Bobby and ask if this is for real.
The very next news segment is a VERY important feature that discusses how to keep your technology safe at the beach. We all know that the hot sun and the cruel sand can make it extremely difficult to keep your children and cell phones safe, so I was so relieved to see that they gave a bulleted list of tips on how to keep my phone out of harms way. Bullet number one said that I should put my cell phone in a Ziploc baggie. No, no, let me back up a bit. I should actually recreate the bulleted list for you so you can experience the same relief I did.
- Put your technology in a sealed Ziploc bag
- Make sure to put the technology in the bag at home
- Do not take your technology out the entire time you are at the beach (in case that pesky sand should sneak its way inside)
- Change your Ziploc baggy frequently, so you don't get sand inside your technology
I was just thinking...there is a pretty big election coming up in about three months...right? I mean, there are some pretty serious issues going on in the world...right? Like, oh I don't know, unemployment, famine, corrupt governments, lack of women's rights in like half the world... but we in Massachusetts need to focus on the important things---like cell phone condoms.
If for some reason I suddenly go missing check the Bible Belt. I'll be riding in the back of a horse drawn carriage, sewing patches on my own dress and shunning the creation of cell phones.
PROOF:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505263_162-57483199/distracted-walking-injuries-quadruple-in-last-seven-years/
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Perfect Timing
I started this blog about a year and a half ago in hopes of documenting my new journey into motherhood. However, (and if this isn't the perfect cliche I don't know what is) I got so busy as a new mother that I did not blog even once. In fact, my last blog was posted exactly ten days before I gave birth to my son, Bo.
Well, just as I finally seem to have gotten used to parenting and learned the trick of bringing my son up to bed by 6:30 instead of letting him fall asleep on me every night while we watch TV, I have also finally found a few spare minutes to check my email, play a few rounds of Song Pop, and write this blog. Finally, I seem to be getting the hang of things. Six weeks before my next baby is due. Riiight.
Hopefully that doesn't mean that you won't be hearing from me for another year. See, in the past month I have been sleep training Bo, who is about 15 months old and should have learned how to self soothe ages ago but Mommy wanted all the cuddle time possible and therefore created a bedtime-monster. In the hours upon hours of sleep training, I've been required to sit quietly by his crib while he figures out how to get comfy, then after a few days I move my chair further away so that he is aware that I'm still nearby but he is gaining the independence and security he needs to fall asleep on his own. All of this leads to my point that I have been reading several blogs that I have bookmarked on my phone (which I will give props to momentarily) because it's too dark to read a real book and I can't just simply sit there or I will lose my mind. Anyway, when I read these blogs I'm totally inspired and think of all the things I want to blog about, and not just about my experiences as a new mom which is why the blog is about "life and other stuff" because I'm one of those people who has so much to kvetch about (is kvetch the word?) in the most positive and humorous way that I can--but honestly, my husband falls asleep within seconds of climbing into bed and I still have like seven or eight things I never got to say. PS--My kindergarten teacher is NOT SURPRISED at that last sentence, I wont even tell you that she used to call me "Motor-Mouth Martin" for fear that the moniker will resurface. For your information, I still don't think that was very nice, Mrs. Nealon!
The blogs I'm currently latched on to:
For literal laugh out loud reading for women, moms, and anyone with a sense of humor: www.brittanyherself.com
For inspiration, this is a girl I went to highschool with that reminds me there are truly good people in the world: http://beccatatsea.blogspot.com/
For constant life improvement: www.marcandangel.com
For humor and insight from my coworker: http://runningmaestamami.blogspot.com
I will be back as soon as I can to vent about two stories I saw on the news last night that blew my mind... made me wonder what the world is coming to...ever see the movie Idiocracy?
Does Blogger do spellcheck???
Well, just as I finally seem to have gotten used to parenting and learned the trick of bringing my son up to bed by 6:30 instead of letting him fall asleep on me every night while we watch TV, I have also finally found a few spare minutes to check my email, play a few rounds of Song Pop, and write this blog. Finally, I seem to be getting the hang of things. Six weeks before my next baby is due. Riiight.
Hopefully that doesn't mean that you won't be hearing from me for another year. See, in the past month I have been sleep training Bo, who is about 15 months old and should have learned how to self soothe ages ago but Mommy wanted all the cuddle time possible and therefore created a bedtime-monster. In the hours upon hours of sleep training, I've been required to sit quietly by his crib while he figures out how to get comfy, then after a few days I move my chair further away so that he is aware that I'm still nearby but he is gaining the independence and security he needs to fall asleep on his own. All of this leads to my point that I have been reading several blogs that I have bookmarked on my phone (which I will give props to momentarily) because it's too dark to read a real book and I can't just simply sit there or I will lose my mind. Anyway, when I read these blogs I'm totally inspired and think of all the things I want to blog about, and not just about my experiences as a new mom which is why the blog is about "life and other stuff" because I'm one of those people who has so much to kvetch about (is kvetch the word?) in the most positive and humorous way that I can--but honestly, my husband falls asleep within seconds of climbing into bed and I still have like seven or eight things I never got to say. PS--My kindergarten teacher is NOT SURPRISED at that last sentence, I wont even tell you that she used to call me "Motor-Mouth Martin" for fear that the moniker will resurface. For your information, I still don't think that was very nice, Mrs. Nealon!
The blogs I'm currently latched on to:
For literal laugh out loud reading for women, moms, and anyone with a sense of humor: www.brittanyherself.com
For inspiration, this is a girl I went to highschool with that reminds me there are truly good people in the world: http://beccatatsea.blogspot.com/
For constant life improvement: www.marcandangel.com
For humor and insight from my coworker: http://runningmaestamami.blogspot.com
I will be back as soon as I can to vent about two stories I saw on the news last night that blew my mind... made me wonder what the world is coming to...ever see the movie Idiocracy?
Does Blogger do spellcheck???
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