A Rant about How Times Have Changed and a Homage to a Great Cusack Flick

So I've been watching a lot of throw back 80's movies lately. Last night hubs and I watched April Fools' Day, a horror flick that I'm sure everyone remembers seeing in the video store as a kid and wishing you could rent it but your parents would never allow it...Tell me you remember walking past thi video cover over and over again, it was right near Sleepaway Camp and The Blob in the Horror Section of Blockbuster!

and tonight I watched the ultimate romantic 80s iconic classic, Say Anything. John Cusack's finest work IMHO. Just look at those tapered pants and that weird trench coat with the rolled up sleeves? I love it and hate it all at once.
   I was noticing some really similar traits in both movies that are so different from movies today. These are subtleties that you don't notice changing over time but then you throw in an old movie and it's like so glaringly obvious its weird.

Like for instance, the girls that play the lead roles in the movies are not gorgeous. They are kind of normal looking, like totally average with flaws and small chests and hair out of place and crooked teeth. Its weird to see, to be honest with you. I even found myself fixated on it a few times, like really noticing the Diane Court's teeth are kind of funny and you would NEVER see a movie today where a lead role was cast to a girl with funny teeth. And even in today's movies the characters are always impeccably dressed, as if the character in the story has a personal stylist. It is rare these days to find movies who show raw characters who depict realistic people, and when they do they get academy awards for their honest portrayal...isn't the point of acting to portray life or people realistically? But if you think about it, most movies now are so unrealistic we've come to believe that everyone just happens to have fake boobs and sparkly white veneers in this alternate movie world when really they are the oddities...does this make sense? It feels like a ramble. But let me show you how romantic it is when two imperfect people have a really perfect love scene:  It is way sexier than any contrived sex scene between a botoxed babe or chiseled stud of 2012. But maybe that just makes me sappy and nostalgic.

The other difference is the editing! 80's movies are full of totally irrelevant scenes that would never make the cut today. I think movies have progressed to a point where they want to cram as much action as they can into two hours so that the audience is totally mind blown and so they make every single scene count and add to the plot, there is never room for meandering. In an 80's movie there might be a scene thrown in just because it is weird or funny or a girl shows her boobs or something crazy like that. It's not until the end of the movie where you might stop and think--wait, what did that have to do with anything?

And the houses are like NORMAL PEOPLE houses. They have mismatched furniture and average doily looking place mats that you would never see in a house in a movie today. Now characters in movies live in lofts that people dream of and have interior designers picking out the perfect floral print pillow to match the pin stripe in the curtain.

To be honest, I think it's all kind of gross. Movies today compared with the 1980's is just another way of making all of us feel inadequate. Like, I bought my rug at Home Depot and I can't afford liposuction so I guess I'm never going to be as happy as Cameron Diaz... That's crapola. I'm sick of it. There's no reason why a girl with a little buck teeth can't score a guy like John Cusack. I hate that we all buy into it, too, we are the force that drives these crazy celebrities to become more and more barbie-like and then we turn around and criticize it. It's a weird, sick cycle. I miss the good old days when people  might have been measured by their inner chemistry rather than the amount of primping they've done that morning and wearing a smile was more important than wearing Chanel or Marc Jacobs or whatever...i don't even know, i shop at target for god's sake.

seriously, look at his grimy bathroom which he refers to as his "office" lol:


Also can I add--I've realized my true celebrity crushes are totally from the 80s and I can't get past them and still don't have any current celebrity crushes that match up. #1 Obvi is Patrick Swayze, #2 Michael J Fox, #3 John Cusack--um pre 1408 John Cusack, thank you very much, and #4 is Jason Patrick---remember him?? Yeah you do!

Two sides of the coin

I brought both of my boys to the polls with me today to vote. It was complicated, of course, bundling them up to face the cold, unloading the double stroller, making our way through sign holders and citizens to get our ballot....but at the same time it was cool, I felt proud that no matter what the circumstances, I was going out there to cast my vote.

Next to me at the polls was this really old man who had a magnifying glass to read the ballot and he ended up needing assistance from the poll workers and it struck me, watching him, how important it is to go out there and vote and care and carry on the tradition that our ancestors fought so hard to win for us. Being from mass I hear it all the time that my vote doesn't count but I don't care, I like at least adding to the masses. If my guy wins our state by 101 votes, I want to be that one voice that pushed it from 100 to 101, if my guy loses, well, maybe I could be a part of the group that shows everyone else hey, we might have lost, but look at all of these people who wanted the other guy. 

I've joked that this election has brought out the worst in me. I don't usually get involved in political debates but I've felt fired up lately because I feel like this election has more to do with humanity than anything else and it seems to me that some people overlook that when the issue of money is in their face. The thing is, I don't exactly agree with the whole Obamacare thing and I definitely think that the welfare system needs to be totally revamped, although I'm still in favor of helping people out. In my opinion those rich people who don't want to pay more in taxes do not necessarily Work harder than the blue collar/no collar guy bringing in 35 grand a year and besides that, those rich guys make their money off of the bottom feeders anyway so in my opinion I don't think it's too big of a deal to spread the love a bit. I cant stand when people automatically think that poor people are lazy...i just don't think the two go hand in hand and i'm guessing that those people who say those things have never really known what it feels like to be poor and working your tail off every day just to pay the bills.

But when it comes to human rights I just can't imagine voting for Romney... I understand that he probably won't focus his four years on overturning birth control, abortion, or gay marriage laws, but just having him in office knowing what he would like to do is what scares me. How can a rich white man tell a poor woman from a minority what she should do with her body? He's never had to walk in her shoes, how could he claim to know what's best for her?  Don't even get me going on gay rights... I'm for them. How about I put it like that. 

But after talking with a woman that I have a lot of respect for who has totally opposite views than I do, it occurred to me that Obama might have a lot of things to work on too. I don't want to live in a socialist country and some people view his tactics as socialist.  Taking soda machines and snacks out of schools, for starters, isn't the right way to go about making America healthy. Providing cost efficient healthy choices is the American way, not demanding that kids only bring carrot sticks and yogurts to share with their class for their birthday.

Needless to say I definitely think our country needs a little shave and a haircut, but also, holy crap I'm so glad I live in America, where I even have the opportunity to call my friend sexist for not liking elizabeth warren, because in some countries I'd have my tongue cut out for talking like that.

Anyway, closing thoughts.... People have been so nasty on Facebook the last few weeks as they struggled to support their candidate and I'm looking forward to this being over with.  I had two people  who I don't even know insult me on a thread that I commented on....and I really am a nice person deep down.... Anyway, their harshness was undeserved by me and I feel a little better after saying so on here. ;)

Manifesting a Life via Facebook

Facebook is a funny thing. Its so thoroughly incorporated into my life since I got an Android phone and have the shortcut to the Facebook app right on my homescreen. Literally, I pick up my phone, click the icon and there's my news feed. There's no effort whatsoever, no signing in, no waiting for the page to load, etc. When I'm not working, I must check it every half hour or so, sometimes more if I'm not particularly busy, and that absolutely seems excessive, doesn't it? The thing is, I'm not like, facebook or social network obsessed at all. When I'm playing with my kids I don't need my phone on me at all times or anything like that. I enjoy many activities that have nothing to do with technology and often times think we'd be better off without all those gadgets sending electronic radio waves through our organs probably growing radioactive cells in our bodies. But the fact of the matter is, I glance at my news feed like one might check the time, just to see if anything new has happened.

I also make a habit to look at my own page now and then. I once posted a status about this and thought I would develop the idea further on here. When I look at my own page a few things pop out at me. One: I'm incredibly funny. Two: my kids are adorable. Three: I post too many statuses about TV shows that I'm into and that worries my husband.  :) 

No seriously. Sometimes looking back at my posts makes me laugh and think, wow, I can't believe I told the whole facebook world that random thought I was having. I think it is really important to be self reflective and to take a look at how you are portraying yourself to your facebook community. Really, if you believe in the power of thought and the laws of attraction, facebook is just a place to type out your daily affirmations. Whatever you put out there in the Internet space is what you are manifesting in your own life.  I suggest that everyone takes a look at their facebook page and scroll through your status updates from the last few months. As you know, facebook is not a private blog to vent all of your thoughts as you might a diary, it's a semi-public venue to interact with friends. Are you representing yourself the way you wish to be seen?

The other thing I noticed is that there is something to be said for the people who "like" my statuses. There is a core group of about twenty people or so who interact with and participate in my "facebook world", whether it is liking a picture, commenting on something I've posted or liking one of my crazy status updates just to let me know that they "get it". The people that I see this kind of action from are a motley crew of folks I've met along the way. Some are family, some are acquaintances, some are close friends, some coworkers. Its funny because when I post something really outlandish, it's the people that make the move to "like" it that I appreciate because it makes me think "Ahh! Kindred spirits!" and at times those people are surprising, but as time has gone on, there is a definite pattern and I sometimes feel like having a random get together with those people to see if they would get along in the real world or if it just this weird facebook kismet.

I think I've spent enough of my precious few free minutes of children nap time talking about something so mundane, but such are the workings of my brain.

Substance Free Fun Me

"Sometimes the best way to be yourself is to get to that place where you don't have to be anything else."

Lately I wonder who I am now that I'm not pregnant anymore. I've been either pregnant, trying to get pregnant or post partom for literally two years now. Two years and two months. After all that pregnancy I'm now a mommy--a real mother--and that as well is all consuming. How do you invest all of your love, time, and energy into becoming a mother and being a mother and then have room for your original identity as well. Remember that person that resides inside you prepregnancy?

Well, I'm sitting here, wearing jeans (without an elastic waist), sneakers, and a Red Sox raglan shirt, and I'm actually writing so I guess I'm more me than I have been in many, many years. I went through a long phase after high school where the only time I would be caught dead in a pair of sneakers was if I was at the gym, and even then, they had to be cute sneakers. My sporty high school self would have hated the collegiate me who took a shower, blow dried my hair and put on make up before working out. But then I got over that stage too and I got married and I got pregnant. And now I've been in this maternity clothes phase for quite some time and yes everyone says how cute you look in empire waist shirts and flip flops that are a size bigger than normal, but really--that maternity phase isn't me either, it was just a time in my life where I put all my other life "normals" on hold. When you're pregnant, drinking is on hold, so a lot of your social life is on hold too, besides the fact that bedtime comes a lot sooner when you're sleeping for two. Even sitting comfortably was a problem in the last month of my last pregnancy so who even wants to go anywhere in a car and have to stop every fifteen minutes to find a bathroom? I missed half of my best friend's thirtieth birthday because my feet were so swollen after our chinese food dinner that I wouldn't have been able to keep up with everyone else at the club---not to mention, who wants to see a pregnant chick at a club anyway? Everyone would be like, "don't dance with me--what if your water breaks?" lol.

My point is, in the last few years of fostering the growth of two beautiful fetuses, I've lost touch a little with my old self and even my old friends.

I was noticing on facebook the other day how many people are still friends with the people they were friends with in high school.  It seems like everyone I know still hangs around with their high school best friends except for me.  My two closest friends I've been friends with since before high school, so I can't totally exclude myself completely from this category, but in general, my clique has dissolved. 

I guess it surprises me a little because back then we were like sisters. Originally there were three of us and we did absolutely everything together. We spent so much time together that we habitually shortened words and only said the necessary syllables and yet could still understand each other's conversation. We had sleepovers every weekend, we shared clothes, we knew exactly how many bagel bites the other would eat and who liked the ones with the burnt edges and who didn't. We consistently emptied ketchup bottles at Friendly's and The 99.  We knew each other's hand writing, crushes, fears and favorite names for future children. As we got older, three or four more girls joined our gaggle and we were a solidified "group of friends". Even as we entered college, we still remained close--mostly. But by the time the four years of college were over, all but two of these girls seemd like near strangers.

I always looked at other groups of friends and imagined that there was no way they were as tight as me and my friends, but I must have been mistaken. It's one of the many times that I look back and think, I didn't know it all back then, I guess.

This past weekend, Margaret, my bestie since high school that I still hang out with on the reg, and myself were invited to a birthday party at Jump On In, with our children of course. I haven't had so much fun in ages. Our boys are both toddlers and they of course, enjoyed the bouncy houses, but not as much as their post pardom mothers did. When you enter these little bouncy houses, if you are bigger than say, 75 pounds, your weight makes the walls and floors sort of sink under you. Well, that made Margaret and I laugh hysterically as our little boys would fall into the sink holes we created in the blow up houses. Now that I'm not pregnant and I'm twenty pounds freer, I was jumping and climbing and going down slides with my little man on my lap and it felt good. I didn't realize how much I missed being physical and playing! And having my high school best friend there as well made me feel young again and the sudden connection I had to the girl who I'd buried for the last twelve years began to emerge. We had so much fun--like real, good hearted, old fashioned, substance free fun. Remember slumber parties and laughing so hard that you became light headed drunk on happiness? It was like that.

Hello there, Shan. Nice to see you again.

Why Does Over Priced Flavored Coffee Remind Us of Our Youth?

My husband and I took the kids to Maine last weekend for a perfect fall getaway. We planned to go apple picking, pumpkin buying, and country fair attending.  With all the beautiful scenic driving we did it seems that we saw signs for fall flavored everything everywhere...we started talking about how in the last few years it seems that the pumpkin craze becomes more and more intense each fall.  First it was pumpkin flavored beer. Next came pumpkin donuts, iced coffee, muffins, etc. Recently I saw pumpkin wine. I thought wine was made out of grapes? How does this even happen? Fermented pumpkin? I'm just not sure...

What I've come to realize is that our generation...the Xers and the Yers...are obsessed with trying to capture the moment. Everything we do is to create the ambiance and atmosphere that we hope to look back on and remember fondly someday. We are, so to speak, attempting to live our present lives in the form of fond memories. We subconsciously think that if we have candles that smell like Mom's Famous Apple Pie and if we have drinks by the fire that taste like homemade pumpkin bread then we are creating a cozy life that we can appreciate later on. How many people posted facebook status updates about "hoodie weather and pumpkin lattes" this past weekend when the weather finally felt a little brisk?

The truth is, those memories we have as children that we are trying to hang on to didn't come from scented candles and fruity beer...they came from actually baking apple pies with your family and having a mother who took the time to roast a turkey in the oven all day so it smelled delicious and who after your bath to comb out your hair and tuck you into bed smelling all delicious like Johnson and Johnson's baby shampoo. These are some of the reasons why I couldn't wait to be a mom. I couldn't wait to do things like this with and for my kids. There are specific days that stand out in my mind of my child hood and I often think about what I would have to do as a parent to make sure my kids have those same feelings to look back on.

And yet, on our way to go apple picking, while my children wail in the backseat of the car and I stretch from the passenger seat to search for a binky that has going missing in action I yell to my husband to stop at the nearest Dunkin Donuts because I have a god-darned head ache and I want to finally try this supposed magical thing called pumpkin iced coffee. Here goes nothing.

Freakin Dunkin Donuts, man. They never get it right. After all the anticipation and conversation about pumpkin iced coffee those jerks gave me a medium iced regular. Why do I bother?

A few days later, back in the good old city, I was out running errands.  My goal was to get my grocery shopping done, but I thought, hey, I can't very well grocery shop without a delicious iced coffee...and I still haven't tried that pumpkin flavor....

So then I realized I had to go to the ATM if I was going to get a coffee and I wasn't about to pay a fee and I had no idea where my nearest bank was to the grocery story I'd been heading to. I plugged the bank name into my GPS, followed it blindly until it told me that I had reached my destination, only to find out I was literally in the middle of Rte 1 at just about the only place on the entire stretch of road with not a single business around.  I tried again, found the correct address of the bank, and after that took my in the total opposite direction, I finally found a dunkin donuts, ordered the darn thing, and headed to the grocery store.

You jerks! Pumpkin iced coffee tastes like soap!

Just Another Day in Paradise

So today, at about nine thirty, I had totally planned on writing this blog and entitling it "Super Mom" because that's what I felt like. But let's be serious. Today has been ridiculous.

So since Sunday night Bo hasn't been feeling well. He was up literally all night whining and crying which meant that between Bear's feedings I was trying to calm my bigger boy down enough for any of us to get some sleep. Eventually he ended up in our bed and while that gained us a little shut eye, everyone knows sleeping with a toddler is the sweetest and LEAST comfortable thing you can do. I still have a heel indentation in my cheek to prove it.

This morning started off with everyone waking up too early and wanting to be right in Daddy's way while he got ready for work. While I was pouring some milk into Bo's sippy cup, he was busy dumping the cat's water bowl all over himself and the kitchen floor. Once I had him changed into dry clothes I put him in the living room (with gates up) while I cleaned up the mess. In the kitchen two rooms away I could hear his angry tears. He was pissed at me for taking him away from the water bowl, for changing his clothes, for having a stuffy nose, the list goes on. Suddenly the living room became too quiet. When I rushed in to see what was or wasn't happening, I found my little angel with a huge cup of water that had been left out the night before, dumping it all over the hard wood floors and stomping around in it. Really? Needless to say we needed another new outfit which made him even more angry at me and runny-nose-tear-filled-boogers ran wild.

Later, when everyone had settled down, I wanted to try to get some things done. My goals for each day are basic. 1. try to get the boys some fresh air for at least fifteen minutes. 2. Try to do at least one household chore 3. try to do at least one thing for myself  4. try to get everyone a well balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner.

For myself, I clipped my toenails. For fresh air, I put Bear in the baby bjorn and Bo on his leash (errm I mean backpack) and we walked around near the pond and pointed at cars and said "car?" several hundred times. When we got back, Bo went in for a bap and with Bear snoozing in my kangaroo pouch, I decided to sanitize all the plastic things that go in the boy's mouths since Bo wasn't feeling well. Hard as I try, I can't be certain that Bo doesn't stick Bear's binky in his mouth when I'm not looking. Also, let's be honest, when Bo wakes up screaming at three am and I give him tylenol or gas drops or whatever and I'm all bleary eyes and half asleep---I don't always wash the medicine dropper with soap and hot water. So, I get all the stuff in the sanitizer bag and I'm feeling all super-mom-ish.

Well, half the shit melted in the sanitizer bag, including that awesome bulbous boogy sucker that I got from the hospital when LB was born. WTH?

The rest of the day was more of the same. Bobby was so cranky, his nose was so runny, he kept tripping over his own feet and falling, usually while I was nursing Bear, which made it hard to console him. He was pestering the car until he finally got scratched him the face.  When all is said and done, he is sound asleep in his crib by 6:50 and I am definitely getting "The Lucky One" on demand tonight, I don't care if it's $5.99 for HD.  However, I think I will save my super mom blog for another day.

Song for the day? Just Another Day in Paradise by Phil Vassar

The kids screaming, phone ringing
Dog barking at the mailman bringing
That stack of bills - overdue
Good morning baby, how are you?
Got a half hour, quick shower
Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour
My funny face makes you laugh
Twist the top on and I put it back
There goes the washing machine
Baby, don't kick it.
I promise I'll fix it
Long about a million other things

Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Friday, you're late
Guess we'll never make our dinner date
At the restaurant you start to cry
Baby, we'll just improvise
Well, plan B looks like
Dominoes' pizza in the candle light
Then we'll tippy toe to our room
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/phil-vassar-lyrics/just-another-day-in-paradise-lyrics.html )
Make a little love that's overdue
But somebody had a bad dream
Mama and daddy
Can meand my teddy
Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

Well, it's ok. It's so nice.
It's just another day in paradise.
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the lord every night
For just another day in paradise

For just another day in paradise
Well, it's the kids screaming. The phone ringing
Just another day
Well, it's Friday. You're late
Oh yeah, it's just another day in paradise

My son's name is Bear

I'm not the kind of person who frets over too many things that I can't control.  I don't think about sharks when I go swimming in the ocean, I'm not afraid of catching the Triple E virus when I'm outside on a summer night. There are only two things in this world that I have an irrational (or totally rational) fear of.

One is tornadoes. I actually like thunder and lightning storms, I don't even mind a good hurricane warning and some random hail. But God help me when that TV flashes the sign about a G-D tornado warning, my blood runs COLD. What the hell would you do if you saw a twister coming your way? I mean seriously? You see it coming at you--and you don't even know if you should stay where you are or run because the darn thing goes in whichever direction it pleases. And what if you are in your car in traffic? Do you get out and run or hope that it passes you by?

Anyway, the second fear is bears. Even though I've only been a few times, I really do like camping and I love outdoorsy-nature-woodland stuff. However, bears are a huge fear of mine. There are two kinds of bears to fear, the black bear and the grizzly bear. One of these bears gets intimidated if you act all big and loud and scare him off. The other will leave you alone if you play dead. The only problem is, I can never remember which is which, so what if I play dead to the bear that you are supposed to scare off?? What if I yell and scream at the bear that I'm supposed to play dead to? UGH!

Anyway, my original thoughts when starting this blog were that, My son is named Bear. And some people like it and some people don't.  I can't think of a more awesome creature than a Bear. They can run faster than you, swim faster than you and climb trees. They can tear you apart with their massive paws and teeth, yet we snuggle up to them and find comfort in them as children. I get it if you don't understand the name Bear, but honestly, whenever I hear someone call him by his name I think, "Wow. What a cool name." I hope he feels that way someday too. Maybe not when he is twelve, but maybe someday he will know that we have always believed he is THAT awesome.