questions about mommy-hood

Today has been frustratingly mind-blowing.  First I found out that even though I'm four weeks away from my due date I'm already one centimeter dilated.  Then I just finished watching a documentary called "Bag It" that I wish I'd seen nine months ago. It started out talking about plastic bags and what a crazy idea it is to use a material that will never EVER disappear for something that is supposed to be disposable. I mean, why would you use a material that will last FOREVER for something that is designed to be used for a few minutes. The doc went on to show how much plastic we use in our country, explaining that all disposable coffee cups are lined with plastic, everything packaged in the store is wrapped in plastic, etc. I'm already actively disgusted by how we abuse the environment but too lazy to really do anything about it.  I usually try to use my reusable shopping bags, but only when I go to the grocery store... I never think to use them when I go to Target or the Christmas Tree Shop.  I hardly use plastic water bottles, but I get ice coffees from dunkin donuts all the time. So what's really the difference?

Anyway, some of the things that I'm thinking about now that I'm becoming a mother are the following. I have been drinking beverages from containers that most likely had BPA in them for the last nine months. I've been heating up my food in containers that probably contain BPA and phthenolytes(?) all along.  Studies show that ingesting these chemicals can be bad for you but also be harmful to your unborn child, causing all kinds of issues that effect millions of Americans.  One of the things that can come from allowing your child to use bottles or sippy cups that have BPA in them is ADHD.  It is no wonder why the amount of kids with ADHD has gone from 1 in 2500 to 1 in 150 since the 70s when we began using so many disposable drink containers.  Also included in the list of possible issues? Diabetes, feminization in boys or masculization in girls, breast cancer, colon cancer, and the list goes on and on.  These chemicals are also in all kinds of canned food and toiletries like body wash and shampoo and it is never listed on the label.

This sucks.  I hate that our country protects the money making companies at the risk of our health and safety.  You think you could trust that if you buy a can of corn you are simply eating corn.  I wonder how much of the chemicals leak into my food every time I heat up a Healthy Choice meal? How healthy is it? Sure its low cal and low fat but it's full of chemicals that cause cancer and diabetes.

I also began thinking about using cloth diapers.  I know this sounds crazy, and those of you who already have kids are probably laughing at me right now thinking, yeah sure, let's see how that goes after one week.  I probably won't do it, like I said, I'm actively angry about the environment, but passively participating.  Just think about all that plastic that goes into Pampers.  And how many Pampers you throw away every day.  That crap doesn't get recycled. No pun intended.

An Exciting Idea

When I was a sophomore at Merrimack College we had to take religion classes.  I hadn't grown up with one particular religion, since my mother was Protestant and my father Catholic, neither practicing but both with a great deal of faith and spirituality.  I never wanted to pigeonhole my beliefs, but I'd always been interested in all aspects of the Divine. I wanted to use the opportunity of going to a Catholic school to find out what I did in fact believe in.  I took one class on Christianity and one on Eastern Religions.  Both taught me a great deal, although I couldn't tell you an account of any one particular parable. 

I do remember, when learning about Buddhism, that the concepts the faith is based on were mind-blowing and comforting all at the same time.  I remember reading that we should try to be like a blade of grass, able to bend in the wind, and not like a rigid tree which would break under pressure. I identified with that, believing that the goal was not to be accomodating to others, but actually to not let your soul become burdened and broken.

Another lesson had to do with becoming like a river. Never stagnant.  You are literally a different person with every second of your day.  I have done something new this second compared with the last. Our knowledge is an accumulation of all the moments in our lives, but that does not mean we are the person we were yesterday. We are everything we were and everything we might be, from second to second.  I could decide, right this moment, to change my outlook on life, to change what I say to people, to change how I react, to disregard what happened a year ago. Every moment is mine. Every moment is yours.

This same lesson had to do with letting go.  Nothing is forever, no matter how much we'd like it to be. The person you think you know best in the world is a different person today than he or she was yesterday.  We must allow that to occur, or you are essentially halting the flowing river that the person has potential to be.  I try to remind myself of this day to day. Every time you wake up next to your husband or wife, you are meeting them for the first time. Every time you have lunch with your best friend, they are not quite the same as you left them last. This could seem scary, but also, extremely exciting. What can you discover today about the people you love most?

Welcome to the Good Life

I know some people are sick of all of the "Life is Good" t-shirts and bumper stickers floating around in the world that seem to stick their tongue out and waggle it at you when you're having a bad day, but I wish everyone would stop and think about it more. Life is good. I'd hate to be cliche and start saying things like, life is short, live love laugh, etc. but I think a lot of people forget how easily it could all be taken away.
We spend our lives building up our security fences, finding good jobs, buying good houses, and investing time and energy into people we think will make good spouses and signing contracts to make sure they'll never leave us. None of that permanent. You have to be happy right this second. You have to love everyone as best you can right now.
I know not everything is flowers and butterflies. There are things in my life I wish were different. The one thing I hope I never lose sight of is how wonderful my friends and family are, and how much love I am surrounded by.  A bad day at work is nothing compared to what some people have to deal with every day.  Whenever I complain about work, someone very close to me likes to say "You could be shoveling shit."
One of my favorite quotes (I think it's by Plato) is "Smile, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."
Anyway, just some things I was thinking about. The last five months or so have been difficult, with bad news and heartbreak around every corner.  The one thing that keeps me going is the little angel growing inside me. I believe he was put here just in time to keep my spirit happy and hopeful.